Destination: Where We Want to Be
n°7: What to do when we’re not where we think we ought to be
We were waking up slowly, still laying in bed. I asked my man, “Have you ever felt like you were destined for more?”
He said, “Yes”.
I said, “So do I”.
I have a theory: the feeling of being “destined for more” has an origin. It comes from a place. You might think it comes from an all-seeing, predetermined future place but I actually believe it is information that comes from the past and the present, like a frequency broadcasted across time and space.
At it’s essence, it’s desire. It’s a desire that comes from the soul, Your Soul, the one that chose to be here. The desire that comes from intentionally choosing this life, this body, this experience. An experience that will include all of the ups and downs, the bad and the good, and everything in between. Your Soul chose this body because they want to experience it.
Like, fully.
Every inch of it, every second of it, for the moment-to-moment and for the cumulative value of what this experience will be. And I think the soul is expecting us (with the very limited view and consciousness that our human brains are capable of having) to be present, to really feel through all the different layers of this day.
It’s lunchtime and I’m hungry. I’m inspired to write this down. I’m hearing the annoying beep of the Amazon truck outside and the construction beyond that. I have a busy weekend ahead of wonderful social things and I need to make sure I take care of my personal things, too. My sister is visiting and I feel the need to clean my bathrooms and plan meals. I’m excited about my new job starting in two weeks and also want to enjoy the time that I have until I begin. I’m hungry.
These are all textural parts of the human experience. Boring, sure. But why do we feel the need to qualify what counts as valid experience and not? Our body sensations create memories at all hours of the day, and everything you are experiencing in this present moment is added to everything you’ve experienced in the past. Everything is adding up to something. And I think our brains are sort of aware of that sense of desire for more, to get to Where We Want To Be. And when our experiences give us a sense of fulfillment, our brains tend to overassign its meaning: I’ve found my calling, I know my purpose, things make sense, I'm so lucky, this is for me, etc etc…
But that is just ONE view which, for certain, you want to appreciate the heck out of, but… it’s not EVERYTHING. It’s just a piece. It’s the stuff that’s easy to look at. It’s the validating parts. What about all the other things that don’t make sense?
This sense of “moreness” also makes us hyperaware of our “lessness”. Even if you’re happy with where you are, you’re going to feel like there’s still more. We can’t seem to shake the feeling of unmet potential, regret, nonaccomplishment, and deep lack. We’re chronically suffering from existential FOMO, if you will.
I think it’s simply because you’re not dead yet.
So your body and your Soul are going to tell your body that there’s still more, and you might interpret that to mean that you haven’t done a good job living so far. So you begin to feel unfulfilled again, dissatisfied, bored, frustrated with where you are, or worse, frustrated with yourself for finding yourself in that position, completely forgetting that, hello, your Soul chose to experience EVERYTHING.
We won’t always have the foresight and clarity of intuition of what to do, especially when we’re distressed or depressed. When we’re unhappy we will do anything for relief which often causes us to freeze or jump over important steps in our journey. Neither of those things is productive and again, misses the point entirely.
Maybe you have an experience that’s not impressive or not interesting. You see your options as abysmal and discount their value, instead of as a perfectly valid step towards something desirable, albeit not obvious. But if you look at that step and say, “Ugh, that step isn’t taking me to the next level. I’m just going to not take any step at all,” then you’re just stuck on the same floor.
Let’s fucking transmute that B.S. into something more productive, shall we?
It’s not a desire for more — it’s a desire to be.
I posit that that feeling of potential is your Soul reminding you that you have a full life ahead of you, in you, and around you. Reconnecting you with that desire that you’re here to fulfill. There’s still time. There’s still room. There are still people. There are still experiences to be had.
AND you’re not always going to feel so optimistic about it.
To get anywhere, we have to take the first step and the second, and the third. If you can find a way to step with gratitude and be willing to acknowledge that it is at least taking you somewhere else, away from the place that you would want to be, you might be less frustrated that you’re not yet where you want to be.
So I guess what I’m saying, in so many words, “where we want to be” can't always be so far that it feels unattainable. Where We Want to Be has to be from this point on, and include all of the steps that lead you to that other place that you’re envisioning in your mind, be willing to take all of those steps, too.
Find a way to move just a little bit further from the present place that you don’t want to be. Not in like a mind-numbing, disassociating way, but in a forward-moving way. Anything that gets you up off the couch and closer to where you do want to be. That is absolutely a valid move in my book.
What I’m trying to say is that everything that you’re feeling and everything that you’re experiencing is part of something greater. Make it smaller to make it greater. And if you can openly receive that, you’ll continue to see what’s next in-store. You'll be able to see that the first step has actually been there all along, and always will be.
It’s Friday the 13th so I wanted to send this out to those of you who are feeling unlucky lately. You’re not. You’re right on time.
Alright, Studiomates, let me know what you think in the comments; I’d love to hear.
Have a great weekend, ☀️
In light,
Milan
P.S. 👩🏻🎨 Fangirling This Aussie Photorealist Illustrator All Day (thank you for being my “Studio Visit”, today, Bella!)
This is gold✨ I’ve been living in Korea assessing next steps and so far all my goals feel so big and far away. This was the spoonful of sugar I needed 💕
Enjoyed this piece, spoke to me especially right now when I’m not feeling the greatest at what I do. Good little reminder that the lessons we’re learning are for something greater.