A Fixer-Upper Mindset

n°16 Progress over Perfection

An update from my corner of the world: We bought a home 5 months ago. I wrote this reflection about how I personally moved through this transition with a “fixer-upper mindset”.

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After a couple years of searching and nearly throwing in the towel, we had found our diamond in the rough. This property has the rare potential we were hoping for: good bones, room to grow, space to share, peaceful location, and light. Our house is almost 100 years old — things needed updating, but it was all within the realm of possibility.

After a blur of conversations, number crunching, paperwork, site visits and inspections, we clicked the biggest checkout button of our lives.

The property was ours.

Whoa.

What have we done? Like, what have we actually gotten ourselves into? I asked myself this from a purely factual standpoint. How does one mentally prepare themselves for everything that comes with this decision?

Part of it was also allowing myself to experience the grief of “losing“ the present goodness, convenience, lifestyle that I really loved.

Say goodbye to the close proximity to the kids’ school and their dad; our amazing landlord; modern amenities; a spare bathroom; my office and personal space; my favorite spots within walking distance.

Another part of it was acknowledging the grief of “gaining” inconveniences, tradeoffs, and burdens that I wasn’t particularly excited about.

Say hello to increased monthly expenses; renovation work; sharing rooms and less personal space; no HVAC; no kitchen appliances; and for a time, no hot water. Say hello to long-term plans and real-ass commitments.

And part of it was allowing the excitement to take up space and be the foundation. I reminded myself that we made our decision because we saw our vision coming to life here.

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Once we moved in, the first major that I personally had to shift was my sense of time, expectations, and sense of commitment. We had to get real honest about what was in front of us and acknowledge that things weren’t going to be completed overnight, in other words, I had to expect things to feel incomplete for a while.

Sure, there were plenty of cold days and nights 😩. But we held our vision for the space, rolled up our sleeves, and committed to the path to achieving it. It’s only just beginning, but we’ve been flexing and adapting and progressing forward.

With each broken thing we fixed, we felt more at ease.

With each project we completed, we felt more empowered and capable.

With each friend we shared our story with, we felt more supported.

And then, months later, once we were moved in and settled, we had a housewarming party. And that, for me, was the validation I needed.

It’s going to be worth it.

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The fixer-upper mindset

Transitions are tough, yo. But they don’t have to be daunting. When faced with a challenge or a transition, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and discouraged, see it as an opportunity for growth. Try on the fixer-upper mindset to keep moving through it. The more we can embrace the process, honestly, respectfully, resourcefully, gradually, bravely, the more we can see the beautiful progress.

Here are my best tips when faced with big change:

1. Start by being radically honest about the situation.

2. Set realistic goals.

3. Break things down into small, manageable steps.

4. Agree to focus on progress over perfection.

5. Celebrate any small amount of progress.

6. Thank people around you.

7. When you feel frustrated, remember the big picture.

8. When you encounter an unknown, weigh its pros and cons. Go back step 1: Be radically honest.

9. Update agreements as needed. Be clear AND flexible.

10. Leave plenty of room for conversation — be transparent about your needs

11. Balance needs vs. wants vs. nice-to-haves — they all play a part in your daily satisfaction.

12. Make decisions that align with your values and bring you closer to your vision.

Change is a process, not a one-time event

Be well,

Milan